Exhaustion Hustle
As I was getting ready to leave my nonprofit job, I took a course with fellow entrepreneurs, started my fourth year serving as a mentor coach to six women beginning their own coach training, and joined fellow writers exploring narrative healing. By the time my last day arrived, I was exhausted, and no amount of caffeine could help. This wasn’t the first time.
My senior year of high school, I received the "Queen of Stress" award from my choir director. He thought it was funny. I did not. I had been in a mad dash to outrun what was going on at home and prove that I had it all together. At the time of the "award," I was serving as president of my class and president of another club, singing with the show choir, performing in school plays, working a part-time job, applying for scholarships to lower the cost I'd be paying for college. I was doing what I could to make sure I was a "success." Then, I ‘d get home from school to navigate whatever crisis was there to greet me. Yes, I was stressed. I just hoped no one had noticed.
Through my adult eyes, I know my choir director meant no harm. I also see how the busyness/exhaustion hustle I'd been doing served me as I gathered accomplishments and built my career. Unfortunately, this same hustle often left me depleted and stressed. I'd "burn the candle at both ends" and only give myself permission to rest when I got sick. It's the story I subconsciously told myself over and over. Keep working hard and pushing yourself no matter what...unless you're sick. That was until I learned I deserve and also need rest and relaxation. We all do.
Turns out that's what I needed after leaving my job. All the other things I had been doing around it felt bigger once I left – the courses I was taking and even serving as a mentor coach. I'd often hear myself saying, "How did I do this with a full-time job?" I could do it because I didn't always give myself the space I needed to rest and relax especially as I exited my job. I know better. I'm a coach! I'm also a human who still needs to reboot and recalibrate sometimes.
Once I realized how exhausted I was, I started to give myself more time to meditate, journal, and read in the morning. It's an expanded version of a daily routine that's been in place for some time. I just needed more of it. I used to be someone who looked at work emails, texts, and tasks before going to bed and then checked them first thing in the morning. Now I don't look at my phone until I'm done with my spacious morning routine, and I feel better. I feel lighter. I feel connected to myself and have more clarity and contentment.
What I know now is just how much I'd worn myself down hustling as I wrapped up things at my job and jumped into my side hustle projects. By expanding my morning routine and doing it every day, I've given myself some needed space to recover, rest and relax. This extra space and time for myself isn’t something I have to earn by working hard or getting sick. I just get to give it to myself. For a moment of time, I forgot. How can you give yourself a moment to rest and relax today? Please remember you deserve time for yourself just because.